I didn't realize how much of an impact this trip would have on me until I got back to school. Friends were complaining about hangovers and sunburns while I was dealing with jetlag and my feelings about World War II. It has definitely been a big adjustment coming back to a sorority house full of people who are interested in hearing about my trip but could not possibly understand. Today I was talking to my friend Liz about the children's grave and the letters from my parents and she started tearing up in the middle of a coffee shop. It is amazing to me that people can be so moved by these stories here, 4347 miles and nearly 60 years away from where these tragedies unfolded.
You may be wondering how this trip affected me. I would say that remains largely to be determined. I realized that it is my responsibility to raise a Jewish family one day because this is what my relatives have done for generations. 6million jews died as jews, many went to the gas chambers singing shmai yisrael. They lived as jews and died as jews so that this religion would not be wiped from the face of this earth, so it would be ridiculous for me to shrink from the responsibility of continuing this religion when I face no adversity. This trip also allowed me to see the "big picture." I realize that it is all too often that I am upset by things that don't matter. I pick fights with my mother, I stress about the amount of school work that I need to complete, I get moody when I don't make time to go to the gym. All of these things seem so sophomoric when I compare my adversity to the plight of the Jews in the holocaust. No, I do not think that I will always be able to keep things in perspective but I certainly feel that I am able to understand how lucky I am and perhaps I will be better able to be happy in the present and find purpose and meaning in the things that I do.
My mom asked me today how I feel about antisemitism. Obviously I have a problem with anyone who can hate an entire race of people, Jewish or otherwise. But, after meeting the skinhead turned hasid I would have to say that anyone who hates Jews simply lacks information. Judaism has some beautiful teachings and guidelines for leading a fulfilling life and I think that if those who oppose Judaism took the time to learn this they would find it hard to find fault with such wonderful teachings. Hitler acknowledged in his Mein Kampf that Jews were the moral compasses of the world (or something of this nature, though I have never read the book so I am going to take Rabbi Lynn's word on that one). So, even someone who wanted to see the extermination of the Jewish population was able to acknowledge that Jews were people who possessed morals.
While this spring break was not like anyone else's and I would not consider it enjoyable, I am grateful for the insight that it has provided. It is a bizarre feeling having had my world view changed only to come back to Philadelphia and find everything and everyone else very much the same. This trip allowed me to see that it is very easy to get caught up in the stresses of everyday life but learning about true struggles and tragedy helped to remind me to keep things in perspective. Also, after spending a week with orthodox jews who aim to find meaning and purpose in their lives, I feel more inclined to spend my time well (I have become acutely aware of the fact that I spend an unnecessary amount of time catching up on my favorite tv shows on the weekend). No I will not be converting though I am considering following the sabbath to the best of my ability..it really is a great holiday.
Thats all for now. Hopefully I will have the opportunity to travel sometime in the near future at which point I can resume this blog. If you have any questions/comments feel free to email me (hopeafeldman@gmail.com) and I will do my best to respond in a timely manner.
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